Pastor Tom Kyle used to talk about the "speck of belief" - think he nailed it.
* Jesus said, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you."
* The father brought his demon-possessed son to Jesus. "If you can help us....", he began - Jesus challenged his "if" - "Lord I believe, help my unbelief!" And Jesus did.
What do you have facing you next? How much faith do you need for the first step?
Maybe just a little....
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
The "HER Principle" (Sunday Sermon)
God gave the Jewish people ten fundamental commands, the fifth (or bridge commandment between relationship with God and relationship with others) was “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)
Jesus reemphasized this command on at least two occasions, “For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.” (Matthew 15:4)
Paul applied it directly to the church in Ephesians 6:2, “Honor your father and mother” – “which is the first commandment with a promise….”
When God speaks, His followers need to listen. When He repeats Himself, we need to sit up, take notice, and obey. What was He saying to them, and is He saying to us? I see the ‘HER Principle” in scripture:
Honor Mom
Let’s talk about honor for a moment. The Hebrew root means “heavy”; the word is often used for giving God glory; it means to esteem, respect, reverence. When we honor our parents we are lifting them up to their rightful place, giving them the glory they deserve.
Note that the command does not say to “honor the honorable”. Honor is not a judgment call, does not require our evaluation of the worth of our parents. God gave a certain woman the role of mother in our lives, and we should honor her for it. It’s similar to the biblical command to respect our husbands, whether they’re respectable or not; and to honor and obey governmental authorities, whether we agree with them or not. Sometimes such honor and respect can actually begin to change the one being honored (repeat). Think about it, God does this with us; first declaring us righteous, then working out this declaration in our lives, molding and changing us.
Note that the command is much more important than we would think, being a key to successful living. Initially this may have meant that the Jews could stay in the Promised Land if they honored their parents; then it came to mean that children who honor parents will be blessed. The reverse was also true, it shocks us to realize that, under the OT law, gross disobedience to, cursing or attacking of one’s parents carried the death penalty. God holds the office of parent in very high esteem – perhaps because there we learn how to honor Him.
Encourage Mom
Proverbs 31 is a key passage for godly women to meditate upon. Verses 28 & 29 state, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’”
It’s significant that encouragement here comes from the husband. We hold such a key to our wives’ hearts, and to their motherly ministry. Our discouragement can bring such chains, our encouragement can help set them free, becoming the women that God intended.
Encouragement is commanded or ‘encouraged’ 59 times in scripture – the Father, Son and Holy Spirit each have a ministry of encouragement to God’s people – preaching ministries are to include encouragement – Romans 1:12 states we are mutually encouraged by each others’ faith – Romans 15:4 reminds us that the encouragement of the scriptures brings hope – Hebrews 3:13 states, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” This is such a vital tool in our relationship toolbox; husbands and children, don’t let it sit in there and gather dust.
Reward Mom
Proverbs 31:31 concludes, “Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
We reward our children for being good. We reward athletes and teams for success. We reward excellence in the workplace with promotions. But, for some reason, we talk about not needing rewards in the church or in our relationships. Interestingly, God doesn’t see things this way.
28 times in the New Testament God talks about rewards. During the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 6:1) Mark reminds us, “I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward.” Paul states, “because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.” And one of the last verses in the Bible, "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done.” If rewards are so critical to Christian service that God mentions it 28 times, doesn’t it make sense that we should reward each other, particularly mothers who tend to have so much on their plate yet labor in obscurity?
Let’s get very practical and personal here. This week I emailed a number of our mothers, asking for their input on how to honor, encourage and reward them. Here are some of their responses in conclusion:
“words of encouragement can do wonders – that’s a great supper – it’s so nice to have clean clothes to wear – wow, it smells great in here….” “Do something for me, carry in groceries, put the shoes away, clear the table….”
“Simply a thanks for all you do…”
“…appreciation expressed TO us, by actions and words!!’
“To have my husband tell my son (while I am standing there), ‘You have such a great mother.’” “…Daddy dates without the kids.”
“I’m delighted to hear anything nice, but I’d happily settle for no complaining.”
“I love what my husband helps with cooking supper, giving the kids baths, waking up with the little ones during the night (so I can get my sleep).”
“A handwritten note about what I mean to them or a special time we had together…could be on toilet paper.” “A picnic that I don’t have to plan or pack for.” “Time in a bathroom uninterrupted….” “Watch a movie of my own choosing…can be anything other than animated, scary, gory, wartime or involving a purple dinosaur, Spanish speaking girl or a big yellow bird.”
So use the HER principle with your moms and wives! It’s not copyrighted, won’t cost you anything, except your love and time.
Let’s pray.
Jesus reemphasized this command on at least two occasions, “For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.” (Matthew 15:4)
Paul applied it directly to the church in Ephesians 6:2, “Honor your father and mother” – “which is the first commandment with a promise….”
When God speaks, His followers need to listen. When He repeats Himself, we need to sit up, take notice, and obey. What was He saying to them, and is He saying to us? I see the ‘HER Principle” in scripture:
Honor Mom
Let’s talk about honor for a moment. The Hebrew root means “heavy”; the word is often used for giving God glory; it means to esteem, respect, reverence. When we honor our parents we are lifting them up to their rightful place, giving them the glory they deserve.
Note that the command does not say to “honor the honorable”. Honor is not a judgment call, does not require our evaluation of the worth of our parents. God gave a certain woman the role of mother in our lives, and we should honor her for it. It’s similar to the biblical command to respect our husbands, whether they’re respectable or not; and to honor and obey governmental authorities, whether we agree with them or not. Sometimes such honor and respect can actually begin to change the one being honored (repeat). Think about it, God does this with us; first declaring us righteous, then working out this declaration in our lives, molding and changing us.
Note that the command is much more important than we would think, being a key to successful living. Initially this may have meant that the Jews could stay in the Promised Land if they honored their parents; then it came to mean that children who honor parents will be blessed. The reverse was also true, it shocks us to realize that, under the OT law, gross disobedience to, cursing or attacking of one’s parents carried the death penalty. God holds the office of parent in very high esteem – perhaps because there we learn how to honor Him.
Encourage Mom
Proverbs 31 is a key passage for godly women to meditate upon. Verses 28 & 29 state, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’”
It’s significant that encouragement here comes from the husband. We hold such a key to our wives’ hearts, and to their motherly ministry. Our discouragement can bring such chains, our encouragement can help set them free, becoming the women that God intended.
Encouragement is commanded or ‘encouraged’ 59 times in scripture – the Father, Son and Holy Spirit each have a ministry of encouragement to God’s people – preaching ministries are to include encouragement – Romans 1:12 states we are mutually encouraged by each others’ faith – Romans 15:4 reminds us that the encouragement of the scriptures brings hope – Hebrews 3:13 states, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” This is such a vital tool in our relationship toolbox; husbands and children, don’t let it sit in there and gather dust.
Reward Mom
Proverbs 31:31 concludes, “Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
We reward our children for being good. We reward athletes and teams for success. We reward excellence in the workplace with promotions. But, for some reason, we talk about not needing rewards in the church or in our relationships. Interestingly, God doesn’t see things this way.
28 times in the New Testament God talks about rewards. During the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 6:1) Mark reminds us, “I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward.” Paul states, “because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.” And one of the last verses in the Bible, "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done.” If rewards are so critical to Christian service that God mentions it 28 times, doesn’t it make sense that we should reward each other, particularly mothers who tend to have so much on their plate yet labor in obscurity?
Let’s get very practical and personal here. This week I emailed a number of our mothers, asking for their input on how to honor, encourage and reward them. Here are some of their responses in conclusion:
“words of encouragement can do wonders – that’s a great supper – it’s so nice to have clean clothes to wear – wow, it smells great in here….” “Do something for me, carry in groceries, put the shoes away, clear the table….”
“Simply a thanks for all you do…”
“…appreciation expressed TO us, by actions and words!!’
“To have my husband tell my son (while I am standing there), ‘You have such a great mother.’” “…Daddy dates without the kids.”
“I’m delighted to hear anything nice, but I’d happily settle for no complaining.”
“I love what my husband helps with cooking supper, giving the kids baths, waking up with the little ones during the night (so I can get my sleep).”
“A handwritten note about what I mean to them or a special time we had together…could be on toilet paper.” “A picnic that I don’t have to plan or pack for.” “Time in a bathroom uninterrupted….” “Watch a movie of my own choosing…can be anything other than animated, scary, gory, wartime or involving a purple dinosaur, Spanish speaking girl or a big yellow bird.”
So use the HER principle with your moms and wives! It’s not copyrighted, won’t cost you anything, except your love and time.
Let’s pray.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Changing Others (from Peacemaker Ministries)
Is There Someone You're Trying To Change?
Whenever you are trying to show someone his fault, remember that there are limits to what you can accomplish. You can raise concerns, suggest solutions, and encourage reasonable thinking, but you cannot force change. God may use you as a spokesperson to bring certain issues to the attention of another person, but only God can penetrate the other person's heart and bring about repentance. Paul clearly describes this division of labor in 2 Timothy 2:24-26: "And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will" (emphasis added).
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 182.
Food for Thought
Is there someone you're trying to change? Here's some biblical counsel: Stop! You may want to take a moment to write these words down on a note card and tape it to your mirror so that you see it every morning:
MY JOB: To speak the truth in love
GOD'S JOB: To change people
Our sense of what's "workable" or "practical" may be our biggest enemy in biblical peacemaking. God doesn't call us to be peacemakers in a given situation because it "works" (though often it does--even in ways we can never imagine); God calls us to be peacemakers so that people can see Christ in us. So next time you're in a conflict and in thinking about peacemaking you find yourself tempted to say, "Well, that'll never work in this case!", remember the difference between God's job description and your own.
PeaceMeal is a publication of Peacemaker® Ministries. Copyright 2009. Reprinted with permission. To sign up for this free weekly email publication, go to the Peacemaker Ministries website at www.Peacemaker.net.
Whenever you are trying to show someone his fault, remember that there are limits to what you can accomplish. You can raise concerns, suggest solutions, and encourage reasonable thinking, but you cannot force change. God may use you as a spokesperson to bring certain issues to the attention of another person, but only God can penetrate the other person's heart and bring about repentance. Paul clearly describes this division of labor in 2 Timothy 2:24-26: "And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will" (emphasis added).
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 182.
Food for Thought
Is there someone you're trying to change? Here's some biblical counsel: Stop! You may want to take a moment to write these words down on a note card and tape it to your mirror so that you see it every morning:
MY JOB: To speak the truth in love
GOD'S JOB: To change people
Our sense of what's "workable" or "practical" may be our biggest enemy in biblical peacemaking. God doesn't call us to be peacemakers in a given situation because it "works" (though often it does--even in ways we can never imagine); God calls us to be peacemakers so that people can see Christ in us. So next time you're in a conflict and in thinking about peacemaking you find yourself tempted to say, "Well, that'll never work in this case!", remember the difference between God's job description and your own.
PeaceMeal is a publication of Peacemaker® Ministries. Copyright 2009. Reprinted with permission. To sign up for this free weekly email publication, go to the Peacemaker Ministries website at www.Peacemaker.net.
Monday, May 4, 2009
When Good Becomes Evil
Grieving is a natural, God-given part of life. The release of emotion enables us to begin to move forward in life without a loved one.
99% of the time, avoiding grief is the wrong reaction. Once in a while, it's necessary.
2 Samuel 15-19 (which we will be discussing in class on Sunday morning) relates a tragic story: King David's son, Absalom, leads a coup to take over Israel while his father is still living. He is fully intent on killing his father and men to accomplish this.
Naturally, but reluctantly, David sends his army out to meet Absalom's army. His orders to "be gentle with the young man Absalom" are heard by the entire army.
David's army is successful, and the commander (Joab) kills Absalom. David's grief is so overwhelming that his army sneaks back into town, rather than arriving triumphantly - he could lose his kingdom by the next morning if he continues to grieve. Joab throws ice water on his soul (see 2 Samuel 19:5-7) to get David back where he belongs, leading his men.
This is probably an example of the law of the greater good - sometimes that which is normally good becomes evil if a greater good is lost. Life requires so much wisdom!
99% of the time, avoiding grief is the wrong reaction. Once in a while, it's necessary.
2 Samuel 15-19 (which we will be discussing in class on Sunday morning) relates a tragic story: King David's son, Absalom, leads a coup to take over Israel while his father is still living. He is fully intent on killing his father and men to accomplish this.
Naturally, but reluctantly, David sends his army out to meet Absalom's army. His orders to "be gentle with the young man Absalom" are heard by the entire army.
David's army is successful, and the commander (Joab) kills Absalom. David's grief is so overwhelming that his army sneaks back into town, rather than arriving triumphantly - he could lose his kingdom by the next morning if he continues to grieve. Joab throws ice water on his soul (see 2 Samuel 19:5-7) to get David back where he belongs, leading his men.
This is probably an example of the law of the greater good - sometimes that which is normally good becomes evil if a greater good is lost. Life requires so much wisdom!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Parenting Myths (Sunday's Sermon)
The earth is flat. Mankind did not land on the moon. The Jews did not suffer and die in concentration camps during World War II. Aliens have visited our world on numerous occasions, and much of the evidence is concealed in Area 51. The Illuminati is a secret society that has been in existence for hundreds of years, and want to take over the world.
Although some may believe that one or more of these are true – and may even belong to an organization like the Flat Earth Society – most of us would recognize these statements as myths or urban legends. We might be tempted to laugh at people that do believe these. Yet – as we discovered last summer in our MythBuster series – we all tend to believe a few myths – and today I’d like to examine a few about parenting.
My Children are Basically Good
- The Bible calls children a blessing and reward from the Lord, wonderfully made, a source of joy, recipients of God’s kingdom. Newborn babies (perhaps after a bit of clean up) are cute and cuddly. Their first smiles melt our hearts, their first laughs reach deep into our souls. Each developmental step brings joy. Their sincerity, their wholeheartedness, their curiosity, much of our experience with them may cause us to view them as basically good. Scripture would disagree.
- Romans 3:23 reminds us. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. Romans 3:10, “There is no one righteous, not even one”. Ecclesiastes 7:20 is very clear, “There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.”
- We might contend that these verses are talking about adults. However, David shocks us in Psalm 51:5, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Romans 7 & 8 remind us that each of us are born with a sinful nature, one that we cannot overcome without Jesus Christ.
- So what are the practical applications of this truth? Do I need to treat my children as filthy, rotten sinners, unworthy of anything except punishment and condemnation? Of course not. But we do need to follow God the Father’s example of parenting us, showing us love, blessing us, training us, but also disciplining us so that we follow Him more closely. And we need to be very careful of parenting or teaching programs that start with the “man is basically good” foundation, which are often long on kindness but short on practical discipline. Many of us were raised under such a philosophy, and struggle to accept God’s truth or work in our lives, living under the deception that we are good, that all we need is a break or some education, all evidence to the contrary.
My Children Don’t Require Much Discipline
- Some of our children are compliant. Some of us, due to our personalities or past experiences, hate the idea of disciplining our children. The world teaches us that spanking, stern words, allowing children to suffer the consequences of their actions and/or depriving children of something they like are all examples of child abuse, or at least poor parenting. We see images of child abuse or hear about children that are taken away from their parents. Put these factors together, and we tend to hold off.
- And our children suffer for it.
- The most perfect child in the universe was Jesus Christ. He did not have a sin nature, and did not sin. Yet Hebrews 2:10 tells us that God the Father worked with His Son while here on earth, bringing Him to perfection through suffering.
- Hebrews 12 teaches us that God disciplines all His children, just as we should ours. Proverbs 13:24 is very blunt: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 23:14 reminds us that discipline saves a child’s soul from death. Need I continue?
- So, discipline your children. Utilize a variety of methods that are in accordance with His word (I don’t recommend thumb screws or screaming at the top of your lungs!). Keep it private (as God often does with us, see Matthew 18), keep it loving, avoid selfish anger or motivations whenever possible. But discipline!
I Need to Be Totally Involved in My Children’s Lives
- I wish to publicly thank H. Norman Wright for sharing this in his book, “The Power of a Parent’s Words.” His point is that some parents over-involve themselves in their children’s lives, making them the center of attention every day, living their lives out through them, burning themselves out. He suggests that we may believe this myth if we:
** Insist that our child eat everything on his plate
** Restrict our child from some activities because we’re afraid they might get hurt
** Dress our child, tie his shoes, do other things from him/her that they are capable of doing themselves
** Continue to remind our child or teen to wear warm clothes on a cold day
** Regularly do homework for the child
** Give child no household responsibilities
** Walk an older child to school every day
** Have our lives dominated by external, child-centered activities
** Don’t allow others to care for or baby-sit the child
** Only allow our teens to spend time with friends we select from them
** Always pick up after the child, including his room
- I tell you, one or two of these got my attention – and I’m not sure they’re all true. The list certainly is not scripture, but it does make us think.
- Proper balance is found in a passage we studied a few weeks back, Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Love God passionately first (not make idols of our children), keep His word on our hearts. Teach our children about Him and His word as we’re on our way (not necessarily theirs) – as we sit together at home, as we walk on the road, as we get up and go to bed. This doesn’t mean we can’t have special activities for them, rather, that our lives cannot be dominated by 7x24 parenting, running ourselves (and them) into the ground.
I Need to Protect My Children from Bad Circumstances
- I want to be very careful here. This myth contains much truth. We do need to protect our children from people who would harm and exploit them, from circumstances that they are too young to understand or too weak to handle. We’re probably all agreed here.
- But we can become overprotective, particularly with older children and teens. One of the ways to learn is to suffer the consequences of a bad decision. As we noted earlier, God taught His Son through difficult circumstances & suffering. Sometimes we hold a child back from going to a funeral, but do they need to learn about death? Sometimes we keep children away from sickness and suffering, but will they then avoid suffering family and friends when they get older? Sometimes we’re scared to let them go on a missions trip, will they then learn to avoid adventures of faith later in life? Sometimes we bail a teenager or young adult child out of self-caused financial problems, will they then learn to depend on bailouts (corporate or otherwise) later in life? Such questions require wisdom, and don’t have 100% answers. James 1:5 reminds us that, if we lack wisdom, we can ask God and He will supply it. Sometimes God is teaching our children through difficult circumstances, and we’re standing in His way.
I Am Totally Responsible for My Child
- Here’s a myth that many parents believe, frankly, it’s almost instinctive. We tend to internally believe – although it sounds a bit strong or absurd when we state it aloud – that a child’s success or failure depends entirely on our parenting.
- The myth is reinforced by our viewpoint that Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” – is a divine guarantee – we do our job, and all our children will turn out.
- Let me ask a few questions. What happened to a child’s freedom of will? What happened to adult children’s choices as they move away from home? What happened to the sin nature that each of us has? What happened to the viewpoint that Proverbs 22:6 may be a general principle, rather than a universal promise? What happened to God the Father’s (the perfect parent, if there ever was one) parenting of Adam and Eve, and the whole human race in general?
- There is a part of this myth that is true: if we parent poorly, our children certainly can be impacted. If we have sinned against our children, particularly over a significant period of time, we need to deal with it by confession and repentance, to God and to them. If they are still home, we need to change directions in our parenting approaches, moving away from selfishness and pride.
- But then we need to move through the guilt, through the frustration, through the self-condemnation into the freedom and peace that God gives. We need to realize that our children also have responsibility, and need to be interacted with accordingly.
Don’t take my word for it, examine scripture, discover how God wants you to parent. Don’t just believe what you were taught, or what you picked up along the way. Allow myths to fall by the wayside. Proactively parent. Let’s pray.
Although some may believe that one or more of these are true – and may even belong to an organization like the Flat Earth Society – most of us would recognize these statements as myths or urban legends. We might be tempted to laugh at people that do believe these. Yet – as we discovered last summer in our MythBuster series – we all tend to believe a few myths – and today I’d like to examine a few about parenting.
My Children are Basically Good
- The Bible calls children a blessing and reward from the Lord, wonderfully made, a source of joy, recipients of God’s kingdom. Newborn babies (perhaps after a bit of clean up) are cute and cuddly. Their first smiles melt our hearts, their first laughs reach deep into our souls. Each developmental step brings joy. Their sincerity, their wholeheartedness, their curiosity, much of our experience with them may cause us to view them as basically good. Scripture would disagree.
- Romans 3:23 reminds us. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. Romans 3:10, “There is no one righteous, not even one”. Ecclesiastes 7:20 is very clear, “There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.”
- We might contend that these verses are talking about adults. However, David shocks us in Psalm 51:5, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Romans 7 & 8 remind us that each of us are born with a sinful nature, one that we cannot overcome without Jesus Christ.
- So what are the practical applications of this truth? Do I need to treat my children as filthy, rotten sinners, unworthy of anything except punishment and condemnation? Of course not. But we do need to follow God the Father’s example of parenting us, showing us love, blessing us, training us, but also disciplining us so that we follow Him more closely. And we need to be very careful of parenting or teaching programs that start with the “man is basically good” foundation, which are often long on kindness but short on practical discipline. Many of us were raised under such a philosophy, and struggle to accept God’s truth or work in our lives, living under the deception that we are good, that all we need is a break or some education, all evidence to the contrary.
My Children Don’t Require Much Discipline
- Some of our children are compliant. Some of us, due to our personalities or past experiences, hate the idea of disciplining our children. The world teaches us that spanking, stern words, allowing children to suffer the consequences of their actions and/or depriving children of something they like are all examples of child abuse, or at least poor parenting. We see images of child abuse or hear about children that are taken away from their parents. Put these factors together, and we tend to hold off.
- And our children suffer for it.
- The most perfect child in the universe was Jesus Christ. He did not have a sin nature, and did not sin. Yet Hebrews 2:10 tells us that God the Father worked with His Son while here on earth, bringing Him to perfection through suffering.
- Hebrews 12 teaches us that God disciplines all His children, just as we should ours. Proverbs 13:24 is very blunt: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 23:14 reminds us that discipline saves a child’s soul from death. Need I continue?
- So, discipline your children. Utilize a variety of methods that are in accordance with His word (I don’t recommend thumb screws or screaming at the top of your lungs!). Keep it private (as God often does with us, see Matthew 18), keep it loving, avoid selfish anger or motivations whenever possible. But discipline!
I Need to Be Totally Involved in My Children’s Lives
- I wish to publicly thank H. Norman Wright for sharing this in his book, “The Power of a Parent’s Words.” His point is that some parents over-involve themselves in their children’s lives, making them the center of attention every day, living their lives out through them, burning themselves out. He suggests that we may believe this myth if we:
** Insist that our child eat everything on his plate
** Restrict our child from some activities because we’re afraid they might get hurt
** Dress our child, tie his shoes, do other things from him/her that they are capable of doing themselves
** Continue to remind our child or teen to wear warm clothes on a cold day
** Regularly do homework for the child
** Give child no household responsibilities
** Walk an older child to school every day
** Have our lives dominated by external, child-centered activities
** Don’t allow others to care for or baby-sit the child
** Only allow our teens to spend time with friends we select from them
** Always pick up after the child, including his room
- I tell you, one or two of these got my attention – and I’m not sure they’re all true. The list certainly is not scripture, but it does make us think.
- Proper balance is found in a passage we studied a few weeks back, Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Love God passionately first (not make idols of our children), keep His word on our hearts. Teach our children about Him and His word as we’re on our way (not necessarily theirs) – as we sit together at home, as we walk on the road, as we get up and go to bed. This doesn’t mean we can’t have special activities for them, rather, that our lives cannot be dominated by 7x24 parenting, running ourselves (and them) into the ground.
I Need to Protect My Children from Bad Circumstances
- I want to be very careful here. This myth contains much truth. We do need to protect our children from people who would harm and exploit them, from circumstances that they are too young to understand or too weak to handle. We’re probably all agreed here.
- But we can become overprotective, particularly with older children and teens. One of the ways to learn is to suffer the consequences of a bad decision. As we noted earlier, God taught His Son through difficult circumstances & suffering. Sometimes we hold a child back from going to a funeral, but do they need to learn about death? Sometimes we keep children away from sickness and suffering, but will they then avoid suffering family and friends when they get older? Sometimes we’re scared to let them go on a missions trip, will they then learn to avoid adventures of faith later in life? Sometimes we bail a teenager or young adult child out of self-caused financial problems, will they then learn to depend on bailouts (corporate or otherwise) later in life? Such questions require wisdom, and don’t have 100% answers. James 1:5 reminds us that, if we lack wisdom, we can ask God and He will supply it. Sometimes God is teaching our children through difficult circumstances, and we’re standing in His way.
I Am Totally Responsible for My Child
- Here’s a myth that many parents believe, frankly, it’s almost instinctive. We tend to internally believe – although it sounds a bit strong or absurd when we state it aloud – that a child’s success or failure depends entirely on our parenting.
- The myth is reinforced by our viewpoint that Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” – is a divine guarantee – we do our job, and all our children will turn out.
- Let me ask a few questions. What happened to a child’s freedom of will? What happened to adult children’s choices as they move away from home? What happened to the sin nature that each of us has? What happened to the viewpoint that Proverbs 22:6 may be a general principle, rather than a universal promise? What happened to God the Father’s (the perfect parent, if there ever was one) parenting of Adam and Eve, and the whole human race in general?
- There is a part of this myth that is true: if we parent poorly, our children certainly can be impacted. If we have sinned against our children, particularly over a significant period of time, we need to deal with it by confession and repentance, to God and to them. If they are still home, we need to change directions in our parenting approaches, moving away from selfishness and pride.
- But then we need to move through the guilt, through the frustration, through the self-condemnation into the freedom and peace that God gives. We need to realize that our children also have responsibility, and need to be interacted with accordingly.
Don’t take my word for it, examine scripture, discover how God wants you to parent. Don’t just believe what you were taught, or what you picked up along the way. Allow myths to fall by the wayside. Proactively parent. Let’s pray.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Questions
As I was studying for Sunday's sermon & discipleship class, wandered off a bit. Read about a number of Christian singer's divorces, and Ray Boltz's coming out about his homosexuality.
This led me to wonder, should we listen to songs sung by those who have experienced significant moral failures? Does it matter whether they recorded them before or after the failure? Does it matter whether they've publicly repented or not? What do you think?
This is not necessarily a modern question, for example, "It is Well with My Soul" has a later negative story as well.
Thanks.
This led me to wonder, should we listen to songs sung by those who have experienced significant moral failures? Does it matter whether they recorded them before or after the failure? Does it matter whether they've publicly repented or not? What do you think?
This is not necessarily a modern question, for example, "It is Well with My Soul" has a later negative story as well.
Thanks.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Disabled and Loved
There is an exquisite story in 2 Samuel 9.
David, probably thinking of his past strong friendship with King Saul’s son, Jonathan, wonders aloud whether any of Saul’s relatives remain that he could show kindness to. Through one of Saul’s former servants, he learns about Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s son, crippled in both feet. He calls Mephibosheth in, return’s Saul’s lands to him, and invites him to partake at the royal table like any of the king’s sons. Mephibosheth is overwhelmed.
This story succeeds at many levels:
David’s compassion towards a former enemy’s family (standard policy at this point was to eliminate all potential rivals to the throne, not bless them)
David’s compassion towards the disabled. No matter how many policies and regulations are set up, no matter how “enlightened” a culture becomes, disabled/disadvantaged people are often treated poorly or ignored.
Mephibosheth’s humility, but acceptance of the royal gifts. Please read the passage for more details.
Parallels to the Christian experience. We are all sinners, all disabled by our sin, all enemies of God before salvation; God not only saves us from our sin and situation but also blesses us abundantly and invites us to the table as one of His children, His royal princes. Totally undeserved grace needing to be totally accepted.
Have a great week reveling in His goodness!
David, probably thinking of his past strong friendship with King Saul’s son, Jonathan, wonders aloud whether any of Saul’s relatives remain that he could show kindness to. Through one of Saul’s former servants, he learns about Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s son, crippled in both feet. He calls Mephibosheth in, return’s Saul’s lands to him, and invites him to partake at the royal table like any of the king’s sons. Mephibosheth is overwhelmed.
This story succeeds at many levels:
David’s compassion towards a former enemy’s family (standard policy at this point was to eliminate all potential rivals to the throne, not bless them)
David’s compassion towards the disabled. No matter how many policies and regulations are set up, no matter how “enlightened” a culture becomes, disabled/disadvantaged people are often treated poorly or ignored.
Mephibosheth’s humility, but acceptance of the royal gifts. Please read the passage for more details.
Parallels to the Christian experience. We are all sinners, all disabled by our sin, all enemies of God before salvation; God not only saves us from our sin and situation but also blesses us abundantly and invites us to the table as one of His children, His royal princes. Totally undeserved grace needing to be totally accepted.
Have a great week reveling in His goodness!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thanks
I simply want to give thanks to the Lord and to all who were involved in Easter Sunday preparations and service. It was an outstanding time of worship unto the Lord.
(And 451 in attendance - perhaps our largest number ever - didn't hurt either!)
(And 451 in attendance - perhaps our largest number ever - didn't hurt either!)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Rights
I seriously wonder if we have "rights" - and if we do - whether we should stand up for them.
Jesus certainly didn't emphasize his rights on the way to the cross. The Sermon on the Mount consistently teaches us that we will be presumed upon (Matthew 5:30) and persecuted (5:10), without any mention of defending ourselves. I Corinthians 6 talks about lawsuits among brothers and sisters in Christ, verse seven is very plain: "The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated." And Romans 12 urges us not to take revenge, that such justice is God's business.
We certainly have God's promises, and He has given us an incredible standing/position in Christ Jesus. We are certainly to defend others, particularly the poor & oppressed. But stand for our own personal rights? I'm very doubtful (imho).
Jesus certainly didn't emphasize his rights on the way to the cross. The Sermon on the Mount consistently teaches us that we will be presumed upon (Matthew 5:30) and persecuted (5:10), without any mention of defending ourselves. I Corinthians 6 talks about lawsuits among brothers and sisters in Christ, verse seven is very plain: "The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated." And Romans 12 urges us not to take revenge, that such justice is God's business.
We certainly have God's promises, and He has given us an incredible standing/position in Christ Jesus. We are certainly to defend others, particularly the poor & oppressed. But stand for our own personal rights? I'm very doubtful (imho).
Monday, March 30, 2009
Creation?
Why did God create:
* Chocolate
* Ardvaarks
* Star-nosed moles
* Bombardier beetles
* The Grand Canyon
* Six million colors
* Diverse people with all our foibles?
* Chocolate
* Ardvaarks
* Star-nosed moles
* Bombardier beetles
* The Grand Canyon
* Six million colors
* Diverse people with all our foibles?
Friday, March 27, 2009
Parenting, "Mission Possible"
Sunday's Parenting Message:
Remember the Mission Impossible movies and old TV shows? The world would be threatened by a major crisis, an IMF team would be assembled, and our hero would receive his mission briefing through some technological marvel, like talking sunglasses. Of course, it was always important to get rid of that technical marvel before it self-destructed.
Today’s passage was part of Israel’s mission briefing. Moses was preparing them to attack and occupy Canaan, building God’s kingdom in the Holy Land. Successful, long term occupation required training their children well, on of the focuses of this passage.
Read Deuteronomy 6:1-9
There are few guarantees in our parenting. However – in this age with so much conflicting Christian and non-Christian parenting information & advice available – perhaps we need to hear this mission briefing again. Perhaps we need to hear and heed its simplicity. Perhaps we need to know that parenting is “Mission Possible”.
Hear
You are the bus driver. At the first stop four people are picked up, one with a Twins hat. At the second stop 15 people are picked up, three are wearing Vikings hats, and 12 are dropped off as it starts to rain. At the third stop two people are picked up, one wearing a Green Bay Packers hat – he gets booed – just as the snow starts. At the fourth stop the Packers fan is kicked off into a snowbank. At the final stop everyone else is let off to watch the game. Key question: how old is the bus driver?
Hearing, listening is like that. We do not retain everything we hear. We probably shouldn’t, our brains would fill up very quickly. We need to sort through information, only retaining what is important. Problem is, our listening filter has been impacted by sin, selfishness, and boredom, and we miss what we need to hear.
God’s word requires acute, intense listening. James 1:22-25 (on screen) is very poignant here. We must look intently into the mirror of His words, learn about ourselves, then act upon it to truly retain it. If you walked into your bathroom this morning, noted carefully that your hair, teeth and beard needed to be taken care of, then walked away and drove to church – you’d be embarrassed. Action is required.
If we expect our children to hear us, we must hear our Parent, our Father. Moses called his people to hear this entire presentation, but his first priority was for them to hear about God. He was their God, He’d entered into covenant relationship with them. He was one – which doesn’t hit us initially as significant – but was very significant to a fledgling, God-following culture that was surrounded, no buried in multiple gods and idolatrous cultures. Each country, in some cases each city they would travel to had a different god or whole pantheon of gods. Some of them were very appealing, such as gods who blessed crops or fertility. Frankly, our culture today is filled with a variety of idols, some “gods” and some not, and we need to hear, remember and swear allegiance to the one true God.
Love
Then, as followers of the one God, as parents, we are to love Him.
At one level this passage is very disturbing. We are commanded to love God; and not just superficially, but with our whole beings. We could easily become offended here. How can God command us to love Him? Where is the free will, the choice in that? Isn’t love an act of the will?
But let’s think a little deeper here. God commands us to love our spouses, and that seems reasonable. God commands us to love our children, and that seems reasonable. We command our children to love each other, and that’s reasonable. Historically, many cultures had parents pick out spouses for their children, then command them to love each other, and it often worked.
Commands do not limit choices, they clarify them. We either obey and love God, or we don’t. And He holds up the difficult standard of “complete self” love so that we realize that lukewarm, occasional love is really not love at all.
There was an interesting parenting study done. It revealed that most young adults who follow Jesus either come from non-Christian homes where they were converted to Christ in their teenage years, or they come from homes where mom and dad’s love for Jesus permeated their lives. Very few young adult believers came from homes where there was an indifferent, apathetic commitment to Christ. As Jesus said in Revelation, He wants us either hot or cold. He can work with either. He doesn’t work with lukewarm.
Want your children to follow God? Listen to Him intently, and love Him wholly. They’ll catch on.
Know
Parents often complain that they don’t know enough about God and His commands to teach their children well. Occasionally this may be true. You might not yet be a Christian – or you might be a new Christian – or perhaps you have a learning disability. To you I would say, start with what you hear here on Sundays. That’s all Moses was asking the Jews to do in Deuteronomy 6.
However - if you’ve been a Christian for a while and still don’t feel you know enough – I would ask you to check your heart. Are you listening intently? Are you lukewarm, apathetic, not really interested in God and His word (be honest)? Have you fallen into religious habits that hamper your relationship with God? If so, today would be a good day to repent, to confess your heart attitudes to the Lord, seek His forgiveness, and allow Him to start you fresh, give you a “do over”. It’s what He’s good at.
Do note that these commands are to be heart knowledge, not just head knowledge. God’s word takes time to filter from head down to the heart, taking thought, emotion, wrestling, and application.
Share
We’re near the end of the message and haven’t talked about parenting methods. This was very intentional. It reflects the passage. Parenting is less about methods and more about parents’ hearts. If our hearts hear, love and know God, then methods will follow.
The two methods discussed here are repeat, and illustrate.
Repeat – use every natural, relational opportunity that comes along. When you stop together, talk about God and His word. When you walk together, do the same. Hearts are often open at the beginning and end of the day. Use those opportunities.
Note that these opportunities are intentional, but not overly structured. If God and His word are on your heart, you will want to share during appropriate opportunities. Do so, intentionally. This doesn’t preclude devotional times – they can work as well – but if you’re struggling with establishing family devotions, start with what’s commanded – then see if more is required.
That’s the audio, there’s also the visual. In the Jewish culture phylacteries and mezuzahs worked well – tying them on the hands and putting them on the gates – in our culture there are multiple opportunities to illustrate God and His word through sight. Pictures, scripture verses, computer graphics, videos, figures, etc. – the opportunities are endless. In our home the visual that most grabs my attention is a stylized cup and dish that signifies the Lord’s Supper – which reminds me of His death for us – hardly ever fails to stir me.
Parenting. Mission Impossible, or Mission Possible? While remembering that there are few guarantees, and that our children will sometimes exercise their wills in the wrong direction, we can become better parents by following this simple approach. Hear God’s word deeply. Love Him wholly. Know Him and His word at the heart level. Then share – utilize the natural, relational, frequent opportunities that come along – both serendipitously and intentionally. Let’s pray.
Remember the Mission Impossible movies and old TV shows? The world would be threatened by a major crisis, an IMF team would be assembled, and our hero would receive his mission briefing through some technological marvel, like talking sunglasses. Of course, it was always important to get rid of that technical marvel before it self-destructed.
Today’s passage was part of Israel’s mission briefing. Moses was preparing them to attack and occupy Canaan, building God’s kingdom in the Holy Land. Successful, long term occupation required training their children well, on of the focuses of this passage.
Read Deuteronomy 6:1-9
There are few guarantees in our parenting. However – in this age with so much conflicting Christian and non-Christian parenting information & advice available – perhaps we need to hear this mission briefing again. Perhaps we need to hear and heed its simplicity. Perhaps we need to know that parenting is “Mission Possible”.
Hear
You are the bus driver. At the first stop four people are picked up, one with a Twins hat. At the second stop 15 people are picked up, three are wearing Vikings hats, and 12 are dropped off as it starts to rain. At the third stop two people are picked up, one wearing a Green Bay Packers hat – he gets booed – just as the snow starts. At the fourth stop the Packers fan is kicked off into a snowbank. At the final stop everyone else is let off to watch the game. Key question: how old is the bus driver?
Hearing, listening is like that. We do not retain everything we hear. We probably shouldn’t, our brains would fill up very quickly. We need to sort through information, only retaining what is important. Problem is, our listening filter has been impacted by sin, selfishness, and boredom, and we miss what we need to hear.
God’s word requires acute, intense listening. James 1:22-25 (on screen) is very poignant here. We must look intently into the mirror of His words, learn about ourselves, then act upon it to truly retain it. If you walked into your bathroom this morning, noted carefully that your hair, teeth and beard needed to be taken care of, then walked away and drove to church – you’d be embarrassed. Action is required.
If we expect our children to hear us, we must hear our Parent, our Father. Moses called his people to hear this entire presentation, but his first priority was for them to hear about God. He was their God, He’d entered into covenant relationship with them. He was one – which doesn’t hit us initially as significant – but was very significant to a fledgling, God-following culture that was surrounded, no buried in multiple gods and idolatrous cultures. Each country, in some cases each city they would travel to had a different god or whole pantheon of gods. Some of them were very appealing, such as gods who blessed crops or fertility. Frankly, our culture today is filled with a variety of idols, some “gods” and some not, and we need to hear, remember and swear allegiance to the one true God.
Love
Then, as followers of the one God, as parents, we are to love Him.
At one level this passage is very disturbing. We are commanded to love God; and not just superficially, but with our whole beings. We could easily become offended here. How can God command us to love Him? Where is the free will, the choice in that? Isn’t love an act of the will?
But let’s think a little deeper here. God commands us to love our spouses, and that seems reasonable. God commands us to love our children, and that seems reasonable. We command our children to love each other, and that’s reasonable. Historically, many cultures had parents pick out spouses for their children, then command them to love each other, and it often worked.
Commands do not limit choices, they clarify them. We either obey and love God, or we don’t. And He holds up the difficult standard of “complete self” love so that we realize that lukewarm, occasional love is really not love at all.
There was an interesting parenting study done. It revealed that most young adults who follow Jesus either come from non-Christian homes where they were converted to Christ in their teenage years, or they come from homes where mom and dad’s love for Jesus permeated their lives. Very few young adult believers came from homes where there was an indifferent, apathetic commitment to Christ. As Jesus said in Revelation, He wants us either hot or cold. He can work with either. He doesn’t work with lukewarm.
Want your children to follow God? Listen to Him intently, and love Him wholly. They’ll catch on.
Know
Parents often complain that they don’t know enough about God and His commands to teach their children well. Occasionally this may be true. You might not yet be a Christian – or you might be a new Christian – or perhaps you have a learning disability. To you I would say, start with what you hear here on Sundays. That’s all Moses was asking the Jews to do in Deuteronomy 6.
However - if you’ve been a Christian for a while and still don’t feel you know enough – I would ask you to check your heart. Are you listening intently? Are you lukewarm, apathetic, not really interested in God and His word (be honest)? Have you fallen into religious habits that hamper your relationship with God? If so, today would be a good day to repent, to confess your heart attitudes to the Lord, seek His forgiveness, and allow Him to start you fresh, give you a “do over”. It’s what He’s good at.
Do note that these commands are to be heart knowledge, not just head knowledge. God’s word takes time to filter from head down to the heart, taking thought, emotion, wrestling, and application.
Share
We’re near the end of the message and haven’t talked about parenting methods. This was very intentional. It reflects the passage. Parenting is less about methods and more about parents’ hearts. If our hearts hear, love and know God, then methods will follow.
The two methods discussed here are repeat, and illustrate.
Repeat – use every natural, relational opportunity that comes along. When you stop together, talk about God and His word. When you walk together, do the same. Hearts are often open at the beginning and end of the day. Use those opportunities.
Note that these opportunities are intentional, but not overly structured. If God and His word are on your heart, you will want to share during appropriate opportunities. Do so, intentionally. This doesn’t preclude devotional times – they can work as well – but if you’re struggling with establishing family devotions, start with what’s commanded – then see if more is required.
That’s the audio, there’s also the visual. In the Jewish culture phylacteries and mezuzahs worked well – tying them on the hands and putting them on the gates – in our culture there are multiple opportunities to illustrate God and His word through sight. Pictures, scripture verses, computer graphics, videos, figures, etc. – the opportunities are endless. In our home the visual that most grabs my attention is a stylized cup and dish that signifies the Lord’s Supper – which reminds me of His death for us – hardly ever fails to stir me.
Parenting. Mission Impossible, or Mission Possible? While remembering that there are few guarantees, and that our children will sometimes exercise their wills in the wrong direction, we can become better parents by following this simple approach. Hear God’s word deeply. Love Him wholly. Know Him and His word at the heart level. Then share – utilize the natural, relational, frequent opportunities that come along – both serendipitously and intentionally. Let’s pray.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Faith Christian School Article
Best Kept Secret
Take 169 north to Milaca, head west on 23. Don’t miss the 160th Avenue exit (they recently paved the road). Drive past the agricultural fields, you’ll be surprised to find a schoolhouse and gymnasium on your left.
Enter through the door with the “visitor register at the office” sign. The office is just to your left, say “hi” to Chris at the front desk. Meet Kay, the administrator.
You have entered Faith Christian School, perhaps the best kept academic secret in the area.
You’ll be surprised to learn that:
* The school serves K4 through 12th grade
* The student to teacher ratio is often under ten to one
* The students typically score higher than the state average on their ACT’s – even through every student takes the ACT (unlike public schools)
* On a recent sampling of 180 sub-tests, only three were under the 50% mark
* Despite the small size of the school (80-120 students), they regularly field successful basketball, volleyball and soccer teams
* Their students are active in community service, including recently sandbagging over in the Fargo flood area
* Parents manage the school through an elected board, administrator and volunteer service
* Students are , on the main, polite, courteous, respectful – but also curious and creative
* Students come from Milaca, Princeton, Zimmerman, Foley and surrounding areas – buses are available from Milaca and Princeton.
Interested? Contact the school at 320-294-5501 or administrator@FCSSaints.com
Take 169 north to Milaca, head west on 23. Don’t miss the 160th Avenue exit (they recently paved the road). Drive past the agricultural fields, you’ll be surprised to find a schoolhouse and gymnasium on your left.
Enter through the door with the “visitor register at the office” sign. The office is just to your left, say “hi” to Chris at the front desk. Meet Kay, the administrator.
You have entered Faith Christian School, perhaps the best kept academic secret in the area.
You’ll be surprised to learn that:
* The school serves K4 through 12th grade
* The student to teacher ratio is often under ten to one
* The students typically score higher than the state average on their ACT’s – even through every student takes the ACT (unlike public schools)
* On a recent sampling of 180 sub-tests, only three were under the 50% mark
* Despite the small size of the school (80-120 students), they regularly field successful basketball, volleyball and soccer teams
* Their students are active in community service, including recently sandbagging over in the Fargo flood area
* Parents manage the school through an elected board, administrator and volunteer service
* Students are , on the main, polite, courteous, respectful – but also curious and creative
* Students come from Milaca, Princeton, Zimmerman, Foley and surrounding areas – buses are available from Milaca and Princeton.
Interested? Contact the school at 320-294-5501 or administrator@FCSSaints.com
Monday, March 23, 2009
Rest
“By the seventh day God had finished the work He had been doing, so on the seventh day He rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He rested from all the work of creating that He had done.” Genesis 2:2-3
“Six days shall you labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, not you animals, nor the alien within your gates.” Exodus 20:8-10
“Be still, and know that I am God….” Psalm 46:10
“There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God, for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from His.” Hebrews 4:9-10
We have been working our way through marriage and family principles on Sunday morning. Family relationships are complex activities – requiring application of a number of truths to remain healthy – but if I was only allowed to address one, it would be this: Rest.
Endless activity needs to be exposed for what it is: addictive sin. God built us to rest. Relationships require rest. Knowing God requires rest. Working well requires rest and renewal. Our bodies break down, our marriages break down, our kids break down, and we think adding one more activity might solve the situation….
Stop!
Build in margin before it’s too late. Remember our marriage principle: you can change yourself, but only influence others. Start with yourself. Delete an activity (or three). Provide an example to your family. Talk to them about slowing down. Allow change to happen slowly.
God speaks in the stillness (I Kings 19:11-12), but can rarely reach the harried and hasty.
Blessings!
Pastor Al
“Six days shall you labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, not you animals, nor the alien within your gates.” Exodus 20:8-10
“Be still, and know that I am God….” Psalm 46:10
“There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God, for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from His.” Hebrews 4:9-10
We have been working our way through marriage and family principles on Sunday morning. Family relationships are complex activities – requiring application of a number of truths to remain healthy – but if I was only allowed to address one, it would be this: Rest.
Endless activity needs to be exposed for what it is: addictive sin. God built us to rest. Relationships require rest. Knowing God requires rest. Working well requires rest and renewal. Our bodies break down, our marriages break down, our kids break down, and we think adding one more activity might solve the situation….
Stop!
Build in margin before it’s too late. Remember our marriage principle: you can change yourself, but only influence others. Start with yourself. Delete an activity (or three). Provide an example to your family. Talk to them about slowing down. Allow change to happen slowly.
God speaks in the stillness (I Kings 19:11-12), but can rarely reach the harried and hasty.
Blessings!
Pastor Al
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Prayer
Would appreciate prayer as I head down to Madison & spend time with family the next few days (for traveling, good opportunities to relate, connect with those I should in a short time, etc.).
Interesting that God knows exactly what will happen - in the next few days and throughout history - yet still asks us to pray - and He responds. Bit of a mystery, there.
Interesting that God knows exactly what will happen - in the next few days and throughout history - yet still asks us to pray - and He responds. Bit of a mystery, there.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Birds and Ministry
(From a thread on a birding listserv, discussing "nemesis birds", ones birders have never seen)
Painted Bunting
Have honestly only had two shots at them (they are unusual in Minnesota, we might have one annually) - once in Corkscrew Swamp during a business trip - and the other is a bit of a story:
Had a business trip scheduled to Savannah, GA in mid-September. Discovered a local guide (through Birdchat), hired her for a full day birding in the area, including chasing Painted Buntings (despite loss of colorful plumage by then).
Two days before leaving, planes crashed into strategic buildings. The meeting was - eventually - cancelled. The horror, the loss of life, the long term implications made my small loss (initially, a trip and a bird; eventually, the loss of my business as the economy reeled) totally insignificant.
Yet, for me, 9/11 and Painted Buntings are inseparably, symbolically connected.
As are Painted Buntings and my move into full time ministry (transitioned from bivocational to ministry only).
And still, I have never seen one.
Painted Bunting
Have honestly only had two shots at them (they are unusual in Minnesota, we might have one annually) - once in Corkscrew Swamp during a business trip - and the other is a bit of a story:
Had a business trip scheduled to Savannah, GA in mid-September. Discovered a local guide (through Birdchat), hired her for a full day birding in the area, including chasing Painted Buntings (despite loss of colorful plumage by then).
Two days before leaving, planes crashed into strategic buildings. The meeting was - eventually - cancelled. The horror, the loss of life, the long term implications made my small loss (initially, a trip and a bird; eventually, the loss of my business as the economy reeled) totally insignificant.
Yet, for me, 9/11 and Painted Buntings are inseparably, symbolically connected.
As are Painted Buntings and my move into full time ministry (transitioned from bivocational to ministry only).
And still, I have never seen one.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Easter
Resurrection
It had happened before
Son of an infertile marriage
Son of a poor widow
Daughter of a distressed ruler
Brother of despairing sisters
It would happen again
Hardworking widow
Snoozing window-dweller
But not like this
Not submerged in scorn and sin
Not guarded by the empire
Not so very alone
Author of life, dead
Creator of earth, buried
Lover of hope, hapless
Scene over
But …early one morning
Couple of guards
Couple of women
Couple of disciples
Couple of angels
And one very risen
Savior
It had happened before
Son of an infertile marriage
Son of a poor widow
Daughter of a distressed ruler
Brother of despairing sisters
It would happen again
Hardworking widow
Snoozing window-dweller
But not like this
Not submerged in scorn and sin
Not guarded by the empire
Not so very alone
Author of life, dead
Creator of earth, buried
Lover of hope, hapless
Scene over
But …early one morning
Couple of guards
Couple of women
Couple of disciples
Couple of angels
And one very risen
Savior
Friday, March 13, 2009
Toxic Marriages
Sermon notes for Sunday:
Toxic Marriages & Relationships
PCB’s, or Polychlorinated Biphenyls, were used in the manufacturing of electrical utility equipment, coolants, lubricants, additives, coatings, fluids, sealants, adhesives, paints and other essentials for an industrial nation like the United States. Over time we discovered that they were serious water and soil pollutants that caused cancer and other health problems, and they’ve been banned in the United States since the 1970’s.
Although they still linger in the environment, there are a number of methods to deal with them – incineration, ultrasound, irradiation, release of microbes, chemical processes and others. The methods are often expensive; but then, so is cancer.
And nature can be reclaimed. One of my personal favorite wildlife areas – and a leading birding and hiking spot in Wisconsin – is Nine Springs, an urban wildlife refuge that was once a wastewater area filled with PCB’s. There are environmental success stories that overcome our ability to ignorantly or knowingly poison our environment – as there are success stories of toxic marriages & relationships recovering.
Toxic marriages are relationships that have been poisoned by one or both partners. Today I want to take a biblical and practical look at some of these toxins, then suggest some approaches to help cope with them and remediate – even save – our marriages. These thoughts should also be helpful in other important, close relationships.
Toxins
Toxic Communication
- Manipulating & Controlling
We have God-given needs. As sinners, we often take selfish approaches to fulfill those needs. And, seated across from us, is the perfect person to meet those needs. But they fail to realize the high importance of meeting our needs, because they also struggle with their needs and selfishness. Problems arise. So we learn to manipulate & control our spouse, or at least attempt to.
This manipulation and control may be very subtle, or very obvious. Genesis 3:1-5 shows the first manipulative conversation; Satan got Eve to do what he wanted done. Judges 16 highlights how Delilah used sensuality and controlling words to bring Samson down (read verses 4-22). Some of this may sound familiar. Don’t just blame Delilah here, Samson was using her for his own needs as well.
We become expert in using tone of voice, words, guilt and other approaches to manipulate our spouse. Shame on us! Christ has set them free – they have willing entered the marriage relationship to love, cherish, respect us – and we use them. We need to turn from this!
- Verbal Attacks
Life is frustrating. Frustration leads bitterness, anger, even rage. We feel we must unload on somebody. There they are, sitting near us at the breakfast table. Kaboom!
They may not even have been the source of frustration, but something they said, something they did, some way they looked at us touched the top of the seething caldron, and out it came. Then this one event becomes a pattern. Gradually we wear the spouse – and ourselves – down until our marriage is in the same need of remediation that the wastewater plant/natural area was that I described. Proverbs 27:15-16 describes this colorfully. Colossians 3:19 warns husbands to avoid the trap of harshness, of angry verbal attacks.
- Silent Treatment
This practice may start out honorably. We may choose to not respond hastily or angrily to our spouse. Over time, however, we discover that silence can be as powerful as words. Silence works. The spouse may break down and meet our needs – or he/she might leave us alone – or they may become frustrated as well, giving our anger a perverse pleasure.
Silence in scripture is often a positive – as a spiritual discipline to seek God – as a good response to another’s attack (like Jesus with those who wanted to crucify Him) – but in marriage, it should be used sparingly. Rather, as Ephesians 4:15 encourages, we must speak the truth in love to each other. Not just the truth. Not just love. But both.
Abuse
- Verbal Abuse
This is virtually the same as the verbal attacks we just discussed. I just want us to be aware that sustained, prolonged verbal attacks become abuse, and we injure our spouse in very similar ways, sometimes even more deeply, than physical abuse.
- Physical Abuse
God hates inappropriate violence. Read Genesis 6:11-13 and Malachi 2:14-16. He judged the world through the Genesis flood because they had become so violent in their sinfulness. And, in the classic passage about how much God hates divorce, we see that He hates marital violence as well. If you hit your spouse, either through loss of emotional control or to get them to bend to your wishes, you and your marriage have serious issues with strong legal, relational and religious overtones. A time of confession, repentance, and counseling is absolutely necessary – and perhaps a determined time of separation.
- Sexual Abuse
This area is a bit different. Sexual abuse often occurred in a person’s childhood or teenage years, and causes relational difficulties in the marriage. Sometimes there was premarital rape. If you or your spouse was sexually abused before marriage, please allow me to recommend the book, “Desperate Marriages” by Gary Chapman (same guy who wrote “The Five Love Languages”), and I would recommend Christian counseling as well.
Infidelity
- Physical Adultery
We are bombarded with sexual images in our culture, and there’s no sign of decrease. Television and Internet shows often depict the joys of extra-marital affairs, of discovering someone who meets your needs outside the marriage. Then you meet that someone – and, as depicted in the excellent movie “Fireproof” – you gradually give yourself away.
Stop! That’s a dead end. It’s a spiritual killer. God devotes whole chapters in Proverbs to the destruction that will come, and he warns us in I Corinthians 6 and elsewhere that it will have eternal ramifications. We sin against Him, against our spouse, and against ourselves. Don’t!
- Spiritual Adultery
We also can give ourselves away to relationships, causes, hobbies and addictions that drain the life out of our marriage. Let’s briefly consider them.
Addictions
We may bring work home too often. We may enjoy television too much. We may spend too much time with our hobbies. We might involve ourselves in too many community activities and causes. If we take a good thing and go after it too hard – to the detriment of our marriage – a course correction may be necessary.
But other addictions are killers, pure toxins. Alcohol, drugs, sexual addictions like pornography all fit this category. Galatians 5:19-21 address all three of these (“witchcraft” actually contains the root word for “pharmacy”, and implies drug usage). We must put each of these aside for the life of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-26.
Approaches
Whew, this has been intense; and perhaps a bit long. But we haven’t yet discussed potential solutions. Here are three recommendations:
Avoid the Exit Ramp
Divorce is rarely a good option. We read that God hates it in Malachi 2 earlier. Jesus tells us in Matthew 19 that we are not to separate the marriage God has brought together. I Corinthians 7 tells us not to separate. Toxic marriages are meant to be remediated, worked on, not deserted. Health and beauty can come. An interesting study was done a few years back, showing that 2/3 of unhappy married adults who stayed in their marriages were happy five years later; while just 24% of those who divorced or separated were happy five years later. We could say much more here; something to think about.
ROCK the Marriage
This is a reminder from last week’s message. Take responsibility for your part in the marriage (which may include confession/repentance, and seeking counseling). Overlook the small things that may mess up your marriage renewal efforts. Confront when necessary, but gently, in love. Kiss, make up, normalize the relationship whenever possible.
Pray, for this is God’s Work
And, finally but most importantly, pray. Marriage change may seem to predominately your work, but ultimately, it’s God’s. Personal development, influencing our spouse, changing our marriages depends upon the moving of His Spirit in our lives.
Let’s pray.
Toxic Marriages & Relationships
PCB’s, or Polychlorinated Biphenyls, were used in the manufacturing of electrical utility equipment, coolants, lubricants, additives, coatings, fluids, sealants, adhesives, paints and other essentials for an industrial nation like the United States. Over time we discovered that they were serious water and soil pollutants that caused cancer and other health problems, and they’ve been banned in the United States since the 1970’s.
Although they still linger in the environment, there are a number of methods to deal with them – incineration, ultrasound, irradiation, release of microbes, chemical processes and others. The methods are often expensive; but then, so is cancer.
And nature can be reclaimed. One of my personal favorite wildlife areas – and a leading birding and hiking spot in Wisconsin – is Nine Springs, an urban wildlife refuge that was once a wastewater area filled with PCB’s. There are environmental success stories that overcome our ability to ignorantly or knowingly poison our environment – as there are success stories of toxic marriages & relationships recovering.
Toxic marriages are relationships that have been poisoned by one or both partners. Today I want to take a biblical and practical look at some of these toxins, then suggest some approaches to help cope with them and remediate – even save – our marriages. These thoughts should also be helpful in other important, close relationships.
Toxins
Toxic Communication
- Manipulating & Controlling
We have God-given needs. As sinners, we often take selfish approaches to fulfill those needs. And, seated across from us, is the perfect person to meet those needs. But they fail to realize the high importance of meeting our needs, because they also struggle with their needs and selfishness. Problems arise. So we learn to manipulate & control our spouse, or at least attempt to.
This manipulation and control may be very subtle, or very obvious. Genesis 3:1-5 shows the first manipulative conversation; Satan got Eve to do what he wanted done. Judges 16 highlights how Delilah used sensuality and controlling words to bring Samson down (read verses 4-22). Some of this may sound familiar. Don’t just blame Delilah here, Samson was using her for his own needs as well.
We become expert in using tone of voice, words, guilt and other approaches to manipulate our spouse. Shame on us! Christ has set them free – they have willing entered the marriage relationship to love, cherish, respect us – and we use them. We need to turn from this!
- Verbal Attacks
Life is frustrating. Frustration leads bitterness, anger, even rage. We feel we must unload on somebody. There they are, sitting near us at the breakfast table. Kaboom!
They may not even have been the source of frustration, but something they said, something they did, some way they looked at us touched the top of the seething caldron, and out it came. Then this one event becomes a pattern. Gradually we wear the spouse – and ourselves – down until our marriage is in the same need of remediation that the wastewater plant/natural area was that I described. Proverbs 27:15-16 describes this colorfully. Colossians 3:19 warns husbands to avoid the trap of harshness, of angry verbal attacks.
- Silent Treatment
This practice may start out honorably. We may choose to not respond hastily or angrily to our spouse. Over time, however, we discover that silence can be as powerful as words. Silence works. The spouse may break down and meet our needs – or he/she might leave us alone – or they may become frustrated as well, giving our anger a perverse pleasure.
Silence in scripture is often a positive – as a spiritual discipline to seek God – as a good response to another’s attack (like Jesus with those who wanted to crucify Him) – but in marriage, it should be used sparingly. Rather, as Ephesians 4:15 encourages, we must speak the truth in love to each other. Not just the truth. Not just love. But both.
Abuse
- Verbal Abuse
This is virtually the same as the verbal attacks we just discussed. I just want us to be aware that sustained, prolonged verbal attacks become abuse, and we injure our spouse in very similar ways, sometimes even more deeply, than physical abuse.
- Physical Abuse
God hates inappropriate violence. Read Genesis 6:11-13 and Malachi 2:14-16. He judged the world through the Genesis flood because they had become so violent in their sinfulness. And, in the classic passage about how much God hates divorce, we see that He hates marital violence as well. If you hit your spouse, either through loss of emotional control or to get them to bend to your wishes, you and your marriage have serious issues with strong legal, relational and religious overtones. A time of confession, repentance, and counseling is absolutely necessary – and perhaps a determined time of separation.
- Sexual Abuse
This area is a bit different. Sexual abuse often occurred in a person’s childhood or teenage years, and causes relational difficulties in the marriage. Sometimes there was premarital rape. If you or your spouse was sexually abused before marriage, please allow me to recommend the book, “Desperate Marriages” by Gary Chapman (same guy who wrote “The Five Love Languages”), and I would recommend Christian counseling as well.
Infidelity
- Physical Adultery
We are bombarded with sexual images in our culture, and there’s no sign of decrease. Television and Internet shows often depict the joys of extra-marital affairs, of discovering someone who meets your needs outside the marriage. Then you meet that someone – and, as depicted in the excellent movie “Fireproof” – you gradually give yourself away.
Stop! That’s a dead end. It’s a spiritual killer. God devotes whole chapters in Proverbs to the destruction that will come, and he warns us in I Corinthians 6 and elsewhere that it will have eternal ramifications. We sin against Him, against our spouse, and against ourselves. Don’t!
- Spiritual Adultery
We also can give ourselves away to relationships, causes, hobbies and addictions that drain the life out of our marriage. Let’s briefly consider them.
Addictions
We may bring work home too often. We may enjoy television too much. We may spend too much time with our hobbies. We might involve ourselves in too many community activities and causes. If we take a good thing and go after it too hard – to the detriment of our marriage – a course correction may be necessary.
But other addictions are killers, pure toxins. Alcohol, drugs, sexual addictions like pornography all fit this category. Galatians 5:19-21 address all three of these (“witchcraft” actually contains the root word for “pharmacy”, and implies drug usage). We must put each of these aside for the life of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-26.
Approaches
Whew, this has been intense; and perhaps a bit long. But we haven’t yet discussed potential solutions. Here are three recommendations:
Avoid the Exit Ramp
Divorce is rarely a good option. We read that God hates it in Malachi 2 earlier. Jesus tells us in Matthew 19 that we are not to separate the marriage God has brought together. I Corinthians 7 tells us not to separate. Toxic marriages are meant to be remediated, worked on, not deserted. Health and beauty can come. An interesting study was done a few years back, showing that 2/3 of unhappy married adults who stayed in their marriages were happy five years later; while just 24% of those who divorced or separated were happy five years later. We could say much more here; something to think about.
ROCK the Marriage
This is a reminder from last week’s message. Take responsibility for your part in the marriage (which may include confession/repentance, and seeking counseling). Overlook the small things that may mess up your marriage renewal efforts. Confront when necessary, but gently, in love. Kiss, make up, normalize the relationship whenever possible.
Pray, for this is God’s Work
And, finally but most importantly, pray. Marriage change may seem to predominately your work, but ultimately, it’s God’s. Personal development, influencing our spouse, changing our marriages depends upon the moving of His Spirit in our lives.
Let’s pray.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Weather
Does anyone know the degree of weather forecasting accuracy?
Many years ago the Director of Statistics at Oscar Mayer told me it was in the low 50's percentage wise, just about the same as a coin flip.
We have had so many different forecasts about this (now beginning) storm, that I am at a bit of a loss on how to use the information from a planning perspective. Cancel meetings? Go ahead and cause driving problems? Ignore it?
Tomorrow, with Youth and Awana, should be even more of a joy.
Gotta love March.
I'm glad God is in control, for we certainly aren't.
Many years ago the Director of Statistics at Oscar Mayer told me it was in the low 50's percentage wise, just about the same as a coin flip.
We have had so many different forecasts about this (now beginning) storm, that I am at a bit of a loss on how to use the information from a planning perspective. Cancel meetings? Go ahead and cause driving problems? Ignore it?
Tomorrow, with Youth and Awana, should be even more of a joy.
Gotta love March.
I'm glad God is in control, for we certainly aren't.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Marriage & Relationship Reminder
Just a reminder from Sunday: ROCK your marriage!
R - (take) Responsibility
O - Overlook
C - Confront
K - Kiss (forgive, return to normalcy)
R - (take) Responsibility
O - Overlook
C - Confront
K - Kiss (forgive, return to normalcy)
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tough Logical Argument
Is anything too hard for the Lord? No.
Does He know your or my current difficult circumstance? Yes.
Could He change the circumstance if He wished to? Yes.
Does God love us & others? Yes.
Therefore our current circumstances - no matter how difficult - are being used by God for our and/or others' good.
Think Job. Think Hebrews 12. Think Jesus.
Now I need to go back and apply this to myself!:)
Does He know your or my current difficult circumstance? Yes.
Could He change the circumstance if He wished to? Yes.
Does God love us & others? Yes.
Therefore our current circumstances - no matter how difficult - are being used by God for our and/or others' good.
Think Job. Think Hebrews 12. Think Jesus.
Now I need to go back and apply this to myself!:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)